Monday, June 28, 2010

Stepping Away ...

The past few days have been emotional hell for me. I am not quite sure what the issues are, all I know is that this feeling is overwhelming me from every direction. One minute I am content with how things are going, the next ... not so much. One minute I enjoy people, the next I want to just mow them down with a car (if I owned one). Most of these feelings started this weekend at a friends house. I won't go into details but it has made me reconsider every "friendship" I currently have right now. It has also made me re-evaluate my life. I need to make changes before things are so far gone that I will never be able to find my way back to the surface. I feel like I am slowly falling apart. Everything that spews out of my mouth is negative. I would rather close my bedroom door, close the blinds and lie in a dark room all day long. I feel like I am slowly falling apart.

Over the last couple of days I have started crying over the smallest, most unrelated things. Hell, there have been moments where thinking about crying has made me cry. Not long drawn out sobbing sessions, more like intense small bursts of tears and emotions. I recently allowed 'Anonymous' comments again and almost immediately I get one from someone, on one of my iPhone posts, where I am called a "loser" for asking for help with the iPhone. That did not take long. Let me say this, I never opened this blog for the purpose to get money from people. I did it for my love of balls and all things associated with them. The money thing came up, initially, out of necessity. It was me crying out for help. The iPhone thing, sure, I did not have to ask and probably shouldn't have. I saw other blogs doing it and getting help so I figured I would try.

I work hard at keeping this thing going, giving everyone what they want ... but not sure I am getting anything out of this anymore.

Anyway, as you can clearly tell, I have a lot that I need to think about. That being said, I am stepping away for an undetermined amount of time. If anything major happens or I make a final decision on this blog, I will definitely keep you updated. This blog and me are just not what we used to be. I do not know when I will be back.


HotStudPix said...

Jason, first I am sorry to hear that life has become so overwhelming for you. Hang in there, you will find a way to come out on the other side of this. It may not be easy, and may not be tomorrow or the next day, but it will happen.

I have always enjoyed your blog. So, I will miss the content that you provided and hopefully you will be able to resume posting once you work through whatever is going on in your life.

As for comments from people on the Internet, just ignore them. Its probably easier said than done, but in the end, who are these people (myself included)? How do they contribute to your happiness? And, are they going to be there to lend a hand up when you need one? Most likely not. So, if you decide later to start posting again, do it for you, do it because it makes you happy. If you can do it and make a little money through ads or other venues, then good for you.

Take care and hope we hear from you again soon!

Anonymous said...

You need to close this blog, and GET A JOB. How dare you shakedown your audience. You claim you didn't do the blog for money but every time I read anything it is you bellyaching. GET TO WORK friend. No one else should take care of you but you. You needed an iphone like a hole in the head and to diss anyone because they didn't help buy you a phone is bullshit. Stop complaining, stop bitching, stop whining. Shut the blog and live life. You being in SF seems to entitle you with the mentality of having others help you. Life doesn't work that way pal.

Stop blogging, or stop threatening to stop because everyone has common sense enough not to help you buy needless crap. I have had it with you and your constant bitching. No wonder your "friends" are fleeing and having you question them. Everything I read about you points to you being LAZY. Shut the hell up (and I will call you a loser too), get a job and become a fucking respectable member of society. Right now you a drag and your bitching is really a bore. Shut the overpriced iphone off and rejoin society you dumb mother fucking ass. What nerve you have. Shut the fucking blog off. You seem to think we care so much. We don't pal and it has to do with you. You are pathetic.

Anonymous said...


Sorry you've been having issues out side of the Web. Not knowing what's going on there, all I can say is to not let it take over. Fight it. You can do, as long as you try. Good luck.

Regarding the iPhone, I can't help you there as I'm no fan of it. I'm waiting for WP7 phones and if that doesn't work out, I might go Android -- I might "Go Google".

Good luck with everything, but especially overcoming the issues you are currently having. Don't give up.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE THIS BLOG! I check it out everyday, and look forward to doing so.
FOR THE LOVE OF BALLS, MAN, keep it going!

el polacko said...

nothing wrong with letting it all out once in a while. stresses can build up and they need to be released. wallow in sadness and self-pity for a couple of days.. and then buck up and carry on. remember to count your have a place to live, food, toys..there are people much worse off than you are.
the blog is fun, but if you are tired of it then do something else..or nothing..don't make mountains out of molehills. have i covered all the cliches? haha. but really, don't be so hard on yourself..everything is fine.